8 Net Users We Can’t Stand

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Internet and SEO - Tuesday, October 30th, 2007

1. People who don’t know how to mark up a comment or post. How do I make a link? Is it [linkURL: linked text]? linked text [linkURL]? < link > linkURL, “linked text” < /link > ? Ten years ago people at least understood basic HTML. Now, it’s a toss-up whether they manage to type something really creative that wipes out the rest of the site’s template. Don’t lose it, people, it’s just a comment box. (By the way, commenters on my own site happen to do just fine!)

2. People who respond to trolls and spambots. I’ve learned that the best policy with spam and trolls is to ignore, so that the rest of us can get the conversation back on track as soon as possible. That’s what the buttons labeled “block” and “ignore” in chats and message boards are for. But when I click “ignore” on an obnoxious troll, I am them stuck trying to follow along as three other clueless ninnies proceed to have a red-hot flame-war with a ghost. And how many times have you been in a chat and seen:

Tina: Hi! I’m a hot college co-ed with my two frisky friends who are about to put on a steaming threesome on our webcam! Want to join us?

and about three lines later…

Biff: Hi, Tina, a/s/l?

I weep for the future of humanity.

3. People who respond to every image link with “That’s been Photoshopped!” Yes, yes, we know that digital image editing exists. No, we do not take it for granted that half-ape, half-women photos are for real. Thank you, Inspector Obvious, for keeping the rest of us aware of the deception and trickery in our world.

4. United States people who can’t shut up about their election. It isn’t even 2008 yet, and I already know more about Ron Paul, Obama, and Hillary than I know about our own Prime Minister. No, just because I don’t support your candidate doesn’t mean I’m “Republican”; it means I live on the other side of the planet! And by the way, 9 – 11 = -2 to me. Would you like to see that in Hebrew math?

5. People who think every computer in the world is a PC running Windows XP with IE 6, just because that’s what they have. Then they make Big Speeches about what does and doesn’t work on a desktop. Hey, Alan Turing, computers do a lot more than play Freecell. Scientists use them. Lawyers use them. Artists use them. Programmers use them. They power everything from amusement park rides to space rockets. All of these people have just slightly different needs from your own recreational use.

6. People who still ask if you’ve found Jesus yet. Yes, I have, thank you. He was on Google, with 150,000,000 hits. What is so hard about this?

7. People who still use Microsoft Smart Quotes. Hasn?t it occurred to some of them that they?re using a system that deliberately jams the web?s parsing of characters? ?Smart quotes? are another name for ?stupid punctuation?!

not-very smart quotes in action

8. People who can’t let a single spelling or grammar error go by. Really, the rest of us who weren’t born speaking the language are trying very hard. We use English because it is one of the most dominant languages of the web. Spell-checkers and grammar parsers help some, but not very much. Butt at sum point, you halved to no that English has a lot of easy airs too make inn it, witch are knot cot by spell-checkers.

OK, your turn! What did I miss?


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One Response to “8 Net Users We Can’t Stand”

  1. Adam Mckerlie Says:

    What’s IE6? Oh ya, its the browser I use to install Firefox. I totally agree with everything you’ve written. And all of them have happened on my own site. My favourite was the spam bot that left a comment about jesus and got the link tag wrong (I kid you not).

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