A Return From My Sabbatical Quest For Enlightenment

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Blog Updates - Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009

I took a break from blogging these past few months, because I sensed that it was time to refresh the well. My good stars were in retrograde, my aura was turning a mildewed green color, my Chi was curdled, my crystals needed salting, my crystal ball was cracked, my runes were all out of alphabetical order and three of them were lost behind the sofa, my biorhythms looked like a roller coaster, and I was all out of mana.

So I took off in search of the Meaning Of The Internet. This was no easy journey. I crept about in the dark of night and eavesdropped on counsels of Illuminati. I prayed to the Flying Spaghetti monster. I viewed ‘2 girls 1 cup’ with my eyeballs propped open with toothpicks and my head taped to the chair-back so I couldn’t look away. I unraveled the truth of the Time Cube. I mixed Mentos and Diet Coke in a Klein bottle. I took a binary approach to Zen and became zero with everything.

I solved Portal and stole the cake and ate it and came back and converted GlaDOS to Objectivism. She’s my ho now.

I drew flowchart pentagrams and hexagrams and chanted the lyrics to “Never Gonna Give You Up” backwards and summoned an Internet daemon to give me its answer, but it didn’t know and directed me to Google. Then it hung around the house and became a poltergeist, just to irritate us. We took the novel approach – instead of performing an exorcism, we ignored it. We’d just casually dodge the stuff flying around and talk over the noise it was making until it got bored and left.

And after all that: What the heck, I learned something!

I learned that the Internet for humans is like buzzing for bees. It means we’re alive.

Did you think that the answer would be 42? You are *SO* web 1.0!


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