That last time I was just getting warmed up.
We’ll give you this many points: Amongst the most original poses for your Facebook page is “just fell out of the sky.” And that looks like the same kind of bush related to Christmas trees, which mean it must be one uncomfortable bitch to lay in. Good thing the mescaline is keeping you from feeling it.
At first, we thought a clown was eating her out. But no, on closer inspection, that’s a cheerleader pom-pom, which leads us to believe that the subject of the photo used to cheerlead in high school. Leaving us with the riddle of Mrs. Cheerleader’s existence in her trash-strewn apartment. Is this a joke about pubic hair? A statement about pro sports? A come-on to your boyfriend in the circus? Remembered you weren’t wearing underwear and grabbed the closest cover you could reach?
A tribute to every American parent raising their kids on Ritalin, refusing to do anything to alter the kid’s course of becoming a worthless hooligan, exerting no control or discipline on the spoiled little brat, and then you end up with an animal on a leash. In Israel, our kids would never pull like that; we teach our kids to heel.
That is just a great look. Like you rolled in glue, ran through a thrift store, and bought whatever stuck. What are we reading? The New York Times Bestseller How to Find Girl’s Clothes in Size XXX-L.
And just as the hideous, green-skinned alien came at you with an anal probe in its webbed slimy hand, you jumped out the porthole and fell back to Earth. Though you were taking your chances on your body burning out in the stratosphere on reentry or breaking every bone in your body on impact, at least your butthole was nice and safe… Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
For my Facebook page, I decided to just be the corporate slave that I am. Here I am in my international tie and white shirt, the sign of trained peons everywhere. That must be a customer back there (with no tie! Ha!) and the boss behind you reflecting on how you’re such a kiss-up.
Thanks a lot lady. I used to have a hipster-meter on my desk, but it exploded into a million pieces as soon as I opened your picture. Even Beevis and Butthead look embarrassed to be on your chest.
About half the guys out there, trying to use Facebook for a poor man’s dating site, upload a picture of themselves with a beer in their hand which is supposed to say something like “Hoooo-ee! I’m a laid-back, hang-loose, party guy who’s fuuuuun to be with, girls!” But actually since they never smile in these pictures, ever, they don’t look like that much fun after all, and the picture actually ends up saying, “There is no photo of me in existence without a beer in my hand.”
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