The human race is near its end, now that we’ve achieved our ultimate purpose. And since there’s no escape, we might as well get it over with as soon as possible. Here, go grab your Minecraft copy now – you will later, anyway! The entire human race will get hooked on this game, and then it will end.

Minecraft is the ultimate everything game. It’s all the video games in one, and though the graphics will surely have to improve over time, the gameplay is already as perfect as it can be. Remember how we look back on Doom and Wolfenstein 3D as primitive, but the only thing that’s changed with modern first-person shooters is the graphics? The same thing is going on here.

How insane does the addiction get? Here’s just some of the things players have built in this game:

• The Taj Mahal
• The Eiffel Tower
• No, wait, how about the USS Enterprise?
• How about the entire damned Earth?

Oh, yeah, and the game lets you do a lot of other things besides build. Grow your own crops. Fight monsters. Slaughter stock animals. Mine diamonds and wear a whole suit of diamond armor. Build traps. Ride pigs. Make music with music blocks. Build contraptions with circuitry.

What about the circuitry? Here we go again…

• The Black Sabbath song Crazy Train done in noteblocks.
• A digital clock.
• Emulating Conway’s Game of Life.
• CPU circuit
• A Tic-Tac-Toe game. That’s right, Minecraft is so deep that you can actually build other games inside it!

But beyond that, the game let’s you do just anything else at all. Such as:

• Build and ride rollercoasters.
• Blast the crap out of everything with TNT.
• Pixel art done with colored wool. You have to collect wool from sheep and dyes from flowers and cactus and skeletons and squid and minerals and all kinds of crap.
• Build portals which allow you to travel to alternate dimensions.
• Tame and keep a pack of pet wolves.

All this, and the game’s still in Beta. They’re going to keep adding stuff to it forever, so eventually everything there is to do in real life will be replicated in Minecraft, and then we don’t need to live any more. You can never show anyone this game and not have them get addicted.

It will take over the world. There is no escaping it.

Just spread it as fast as you can and get it over with.

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