It’s such a spin-dizzy time in the blogosphere right now. Who’s a friend and who’s not? Which way should I bet? Who’s got the scoop and who’s just pretending to? In these times of shifting alliances and uneasy power balances, I’d like to use this issue of New Rules to clear up some recent confusion.

New Rule - Google can be the new Microsoft if it wants to. - Every day there’s a new post on a news site with some blogger wringing their hands about how powerful Google is getting. What if they become the new Microsoft? What if they get mean? What if they become the new monopoly? Here, ponder this image of Pamela Anderson marketing Google:

Now, what were you worried about again? You see, Google has become powerful because of one simple practice: they look at what Microsoft does wrong, and then they do it right. That’s why Google, and not Linux, is Microsoft’s worst nightmare. Express love for Linux in Microsoft and they’ll chuckle and ship you off to Novell or to the open source lab; say you’re going to work for Google and you get frog-marched off campus at gun-point. Bottom line: Google would have to strangle kittens every day for five years before they could even catch up to the top evil companies. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that a dictatorship under Google would be better than a democracy under Microsoft.

New Rule: Linux distros must simply line up and count off who’s defecting to Microsoft and who isn’t. - I’m sick of waiting for the other boot to drop. First it was Novell and everybody went “Well, nobody will be stupid enough to do that again.” Then some time goes by, then Xandross, then some time, then Linspire, and now after another long pause it’s TurboLinux. For pity’s sake, can the rest of the distros just file in and get in either line A or line B and get it over with? This is like waiting for the Miss Universe pageant to finish. The heck with the swimsuit competition; get a ballot, check ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to Microsoft’s offer and post it.

New Rule: Digg needs a conspiracy theory folder. - Not that Diggers are all that prone to conspiracy theories about politics or secret societies. But just for the stories about what Digg may be doing. This story reminded me that the keenest concern of Diggers is for the trust of their own club! Is there a cabal? Is there a bury-brigade? Are we being censored again? Are the stories about being censored being censored? Wait, maybe the stories about stories about being censored being censored are… Holy Moses, people! Go watch TV or something, will you?

New Rule: AOL must be sold. - I don’t care who buys it. AOL-Time-Warner has been a zombie running around thinking it’s still alive for something like seven years now. They’ve been running around snapping up tiny little companies these days like your dotty aunt Bertha Christmas shopping for knick-knacks. Now they snatched up Yedda, a fresh, young start-up which could have grown up to be another Facebook, but now must languish in limbo forever as yet another acquisition that AOL will do nothing with. Kind of like a user account that you started when you got a free CD in the mail and now can’t kill no matter what you do.

New Rule: Windows user must stop accusing everybody of making up the BSOD. - No, really, Windows still blue screens. There is no conspiracy. Macs still bomb, Linux still kernel panics, and any computer you ever come up with will still have the occasional malfunction no matter what. But only on the Windows platform do you have the response of twenty trolls jumping in all, “That’s been Photoshopped!” Hey, if we were going to Photoshop it, we’d do a fun one like this:

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Related Posts:

• Understanding the SCO Court Circus - Send in More Clowns!
• New Rules for the Internet: August 2007
• Another Linux Patent Suit
• Has Microsoft Gone Linux-Crazy?
• Fixing Windows using a Live Linux CD - part one

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