Hello, is this your first day? Welcome to the Internet! The Internet is going to prove to be a huge, delightful smorgasbord of fun and laughs for all, but it comes with a warning. The warning is that, if you have been on the Internet for less than five years, you should not be allowed to join a social link-sharing site. Because you, too, will stumble upon some ancient, crawling, cobwebbed, historic joke that’s been going around since the web was hosted on a NeXT-Step box.

And then Satan Himself will tempt you to share it! Yeah, post that link! Show it to everybody! Because it’s your first time here, the joke is fresh and new to you. So why shouldn’t it be fresh and new to everybody else? Yes, of course, this new treasure that you’ve discovered is so fresh and striking, it’s bound to be a hit! And therein will lie your downfall. Before you submit your fortuitous discovery to the social web, check this list:

KIDSEXCHANGE

Thank you, we are fully aware that there is a store somewhere who meant to say “Kid’s Exchange” and they got sloppy with the sign-making. Yes, we know. No, really, we don’t need to see it again. We’re fine, thanks.

TV Rapist

Yes, I know, it’s just the funniest thing ever! A BLACK news reporter is reading the story of the rapist on the loose while showing a sketch of a BLACK rapist! Ha ha! Because all blacks look exactly alike! Even the women and men! Yes, all dark-hued people are the same person, which just makes this image a rib-buster. If you are a white, redneck, tobacco-juice-drooling racist American imbecile, that is.

Extreme piercings and tattoos

Hey, did you know that people go out and get ink drawn all over their bodies and get a bunch of metal stuff jammed through their skin because they want attention? That is right, they are saying “Look at me!” And then we take their pictures and post them over and over and over and over on the Internet so we can say “Look at her/him!” and give them even more attention! But these are no longer fun to share. For reasons such as:

1. We’ve seen them before.
2. She’s somebody’s mother, you know.
3. It’s the 21st century, and we’re all pretty jaded about body mods now.

Even if you went out and got a whole butt cheek pierced and put a barrel hoop through it, and got your skull pierced temple-to-temple and put in a crowbar, and had your pancreas surgically tattooed with a flaming skull in a top hat, we’ll take your word for it.

3D Pavement Art

Sure, it’s very skillful art. And we’ve even seen that one that looks like Batman and Robin are climbing out of the sidewalk while some street guy acts like he’s trapped on a ledge. Yes, they’re amazing. But the truth is, we’ve seen them. And seen them. In fact, we all know the artist personally. We have his work on DVD, and we have chunks of sidewalk with his work autographed and hanging in the hallway. Let’s move on to another artist, shall we?

Lego Anything

I don’t care what you’ve built with Legos. It’s. been. done. Now it is time to leave home and get a job.

Related Posts:

• You Might be a Digg Fan if…
• Leet Key - an Extension for Firefox
• The Seven Wonders of the Web
• Anatomy of an Internet Hoax - Your Thumbs Work Fine for the iPhone
• Web 2.0 also brings you your 15 minutes of shame!

---