On Microsoft Windows, there’s been this set of installation program tropes that have gone on since the Windows 95 days. Yes, grandkids, there was a Windows 95, also known as “Ha ha, we’ll make this obsolete in just three years with Win 98!” Anyway, we’ve all seen so many “install wizards”, we can all count as installer veterans.

So, aren’t we all sick and tired of seeing these quirks?

“It is strongly recommended that you close all programs before continuing the installation.” Really? In 2011? First off, it is simply impossible to close AAALLLLL programs, because the operating system itself is composed of programs too. There’s an IM icon on my taskbar, does that count? Do I have to close the clock too? What about my weather applet? What about my antivirus protection – surely you don’t mean that too? But I’m sitting here with a Dual Quad Core i7 whatever-it-is and roughly enough RAM to find the last digit of pi, and your installer can’t handle sharing that with my web browser?

“Would you like to install the Bing search bar?” Well darn, I thought I was running a DirectX installer, but I guess you sure fooled me, didn’t you?

“The system must be rebooted to continue.” I’ve had installers that demanded that I reboot THREE TIMES during install! Really, I’m sick of this. I don’t care whose fault it is. Either Microsoft can build a system that can run for more than five minutes uninterrupted or install programs can work around the ten-thousand stupid quirks that require a reboot.

“Options: Easy install… Advanced install…” You know, most of the time the “advanced” option just lets you change the name of a directory or pick whether you want an icon in your system tray. Whoa, back up jack! I don’t exactly have a degree in quantum physics here. And have you noticed that “advanced” options don’t exist when you’re installing an app on your smart phone?

“Would you like to subscribe to our weekly newsletter?” No. I’m also not interested in being added to your email mailing list, or following you on Twitter, or friending you on Facebook, or upvoting you on Digg, or watching you on DeviantArt, or creating a profile on your website, or in getting phone calls from you, or in getting text messages from you. In fact, after I install this program, your company could be wiped off the face of the Earth by a meteor strike and I’d only care for about thirty seconds.

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