In Late August Mars will be closer to the Earth than it has been in 60,000 years. What does this mean for us? A Lot. Here is a list of the things to look out for:

1. The increased gravity from Mars proximity will cause “Super Tides” up to 100 times those our own moon causes. Bye bye California…It was nice knowing you. We tried to warn you hippies but you just wouldn’t listen.

2. The term resident alien gets new meaning. All these little green men running around our planet can only spell doom. Soon you will see them hanging out at gas stations waiting for the day labor truck

3. NASA will launch several probes at Mars to take readings on its surface. Each time one hits, Mars will grow larger. As Father Cornelius said “Violence begets violience. Evil spawns evil.” Soon an orange haired woman will appear on Earth and save us all.

4. People will gather atop skyscrapers, partying and holding signs welcoming our new martian visitors. The party will come to an abrupt end when the martians fire their primary weapon, vaporizing all the party goers.

5. Mars will appear as big as the moon in our night sky. Soon the famous “face on Mars” will be visible and begin speaking to Earthlings and informing us of our impending doom.

There you have. Be on the lookout and get your nuclear shelters ready. And when it all goes down like I said, You can say you read it here first.

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