Must… Post… New… Rules…

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Misc - Monday, October 1st, 2007

Ugh! The Internet seems to have taken a few lung-popping drags off the silly pipe this week. I see we’ll have to set some new rules.

New Rule: – Web 2.0 news reporting has to slow down. The story broke about the first test of a GPL license in a United States court. Hours later, Slashdot posted that it was settled. Then it just came up that maybe it’s not. Hey, Woodward and Bernstein, here’s a novel concept: why don’t we wait to go to press until all the facts are in, so you don’t have to follow-up with a dozen “maybe so, maybe not” retractions? I see this all the time, definitely on Slashdot.

New Rule: – We have to stop panicking every time a strange object falls out of the sky. When the meteor hit Puru, the stuff hit the fan. News sites all over the web reported the “mystery illness” that surrounded the fumes. The “mysterious illness” turned out to be caused by the ground, which was so saturated with arsenic that you could get the same heaving coughs from lighting a match under a shovel full of the stuff. Not an alien attack, an angry volcano God, a Russian weapon test, the Invasion of the Body Snatchers, or a septic tank dump from a passing Klingon Warbird. Sometimes it’s the last thing you’d expect, isn’t it?

Klingon burritos are the worst!

New Rule:Americans have to stop sobbing over the fall of the U.S. dollar’s value. For God’s sake, they’re practically the richest country in history, their money has had a 40-year boom internationally, and now it isn’t number one anymore. So throw down your Starbucks frappaccino, kick open the doors of your Malibu palace, hop in your gas-guzzling SUV, and take your dog to the dog psychiatrist so it can bark about how it feels that its Milkbone stocks have fallen ten points in the DOW from the fallout. Round up a frat-paddle party to give Allan Greenspan a spanking.

Hey, there’s something like half the countries in this world who have NEVER seen their money get into the top ten internationally, and in fact are considering printing their currency on Silly Putty so they can stretch it easier and transfer funnies out of the newspaper. And they really feel your pain, cowboys!

SCO the Clown

New Rule: – SCO must join the circus. Now that they’ve had their butt kicked in court and had to declare bankruptcy, I’ve realized that I’m going to miss all the entertainment they’ve provided all these years. So go on, SCO, rub on that greasepaint and start touring; do what you do best!

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