New Rules for the New Season

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Misc - Thursday, September 13th, 2007

Ah, what’s that I sense in the air? Is it Fall already? Good, let’s do some web-cleaning:

Mama Mia!

New Rule: Japan and tattoos don’t mix. – Tattoos are a hallmark of Western culture, originally to show what a tough, punk rebel you are. The only time Japanese culture should be involved in tattoos is when they’re inking Kanji symbols on the back of some hipster American teenage girl who thinks she’s getting a haiku but is actually getting “beef with broccoli”. That’s hilarious. And dragon tattoos are great. But a Nintendo sleeve is enough to make Mom kick you out of the basement.

New Rule: The media has to stop selling us on the idea of chip implants. – Every time you turn around, there’s another talking head touting the benefits of having an RFID chip implanted in our bodies. That’s great to look forward to, but first we have to become a civilized world where we could handle this kind of technology without going nuts. Give us some guarantee that being chipped won’t make our bodies become intellectual property, be patented, be subject to an end-user license agreement, get rootkitted, or be subjected to an AACS hack, and we’ll consider it. Until then, corporations wanting to shove microchips under my skin makes me think of one thing and one thing only:

Resistance is futile!

New Rule: Ubuntu should always boot in 19 seconds. – Every time I see a performance hack for Ubuntu, I think “Why don’t they just burn it right onto the disk?” As it stands, if you aren’t lucky enough to be running a 3Ghz processor with a Gig of RAM like this guy is (I’m not…), your Ubuntu system boots at the speed of a Windows Vista service pack. No, really, I’ll take the functionality hit. Just pop up a desktop in one minute and then let me play Gnometris for the remaining 45 minutes while it straightens the hard drive and brushes its teeth, or whatever it needs to do.

And speaking of Ubuntu:

Resistance is still futile!

New Rule: Quit ripping off Free Software logos! – It’s not just Microsoft, either. As much as proprietary software users look down on the supposedly inferior graphics tools of the Linux desktop, you’d think they wouldn’t want their logo to closely resemble an image made in Gimp.

New Rule: You can only have 7 wonders of the world. Once. – Call it a hunch, but it’s something to do with that number “7” being there. The blogosphere is following the example of the “new 7 wonders” craze and now we have the 7 natural wonders, 7 wonders of the old world, 7 new-new wonders of the architectural world, 7 wonders of Britney Spears, and so on. Plus the as-yet-undiscovered time I already made fun of this meme. If we must keep finding new wonders, I suggest we re-title it “the 533,771 wonders of the world”.


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