Tech Support’s Worst Nightmare Callers

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Humor - Thursday, June 7th, 2007

Now, nobody who is elite enough to be reading this blog would fall into that category, would we? No, of course not! But, just in case you want to pass these tips along to a friend, (ahem), here is a list of callers which tech support desk workers complain about the most. Clip and save as a handy little list of what *not* to do…

Anxiety Cases: It’s OK if you feel nervous around whatever device is misbehaving. That’s what tech support is for, after all. But extensive groveling “I’m sorry, I’m such a dummy, I don’t know anything, please forgive me, I don’t know what I did but it just stopped working…” just gets on their nerves and doesn’t serve any purpose. Chances are, they don’t know anything, either, they just enter your problem into a database and it coughs up the steps to the solution.

Detailed Explainers: There is a fine balance between not enough and too much information. For instance, if Windows crashed, that’s all you need to say. Do not read the whole “this application has performed an illegal operation…” screen out loud. Especially not the hexadecimal number after things like “general protection fault”. Those arcane hex digits mean absolutely nothing to tech support, nor indeed to about 95% of the engineers at Microsoft itself.

Know-it-alls: Almost goes without saying, but tech support people really, really hate hearing from callers who think they know more than tech support does. You are, after all, calling them to ask for help. So take their word for it, follow their directions, and if it doesn’t fix the problem, you are then free to point the accusing finger.

Geeks: Believe it or not, tech support also hates hearing from people who really DO know more than them. At a certain point, you have to realize that by the time you’ve recompiled the BSD kernel source, hooked it up to your coffee-maker, garage-door opener, and TiVo, and taught it to respond to your Cloud Nine remote, anything that stumps you will also stump the company’s entire tech support department. Not to mention that you’ve voided the blazes out of your warranty, anyway.

Screamers: Yes, it goes without saying that blowing your temper during any service call never does any good. Believe me, when you’re dealing with a broken piece of wimpy cybertrash that you paid twice what it was worth only to see how stupidly it was designed, we can all sympathize that you’re angry enough to choke the idiot who sold it to you. But tech support isn’t who you need to go after; they just answer the phone for very low wages. Now, if you take the company to court to sue, and post your experiences on the web so others know not to buy from that company, that’s more power to you. We could all stand to do with less shoddy workmanship in the world. But don’t flame tech support about it. If they have any reaction at all, they’ll just think it’s funny.

Continued in part two…

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