#6. Independence Day – Deserves special mention for (a) having Jeff Goldblum as a geek in it – arrest him now before he does it again! – and (b) the aforementioned Jeff makes a computer virus on his Hack – oops, his MACintosh and uploads it to the alien’s computers. Sure, in a world where you can’t listen to a song made for Microsoft’s Zune on your iPod or read a Unix file on Windows, this makes tons of sense, doesn’t it?
#7. Enemy of the State – Nothing would be wrong with this movie, if The Conversation didn’t exist. But since the Conversation does, indeed, exist, Enemy of the State is stuck forever being a blatant rip-off of the concept from an unrecognized timeless classic, with a far less talented crew, bigger budget, and a not nearly as interesting story.
#8. Mission Impossible – Yeah, sure, that’s what real-life cyber-espionage is like. Uh huh. Beyond the scene where Tom Cruise does his Spiderman impression in the movie’s signature scene, the rest of the movie requires a pound of cocaine to stay awake through. Blah, blah blah, bang! bang! blah, blah, blah, Boom! blah blah. The original TV series is too good to even be associated with this movie.
#9. Good Will Hunting – Yes, Robin Williams is actually acting in this movie, and the characters and script do have some saving graces. But sit through it all, and you come away with the feeling that the whole cloying, sugar-coated mess was just a sticky Hallmark card instead of a movie. Yes, it turns out that intelligent geeks are all misunderstood geniuses who are tortured on the inside. Ignore them when they express angst at becoming Borgs for the soulless establishment; they’re just being sourpusses. It turns out that all they need is wuv, wuv, wuv. Wuv is all they need.
#10. Antitrust – Oh, if only it were that easy! There is indeed a few good thrillers to be spun out of the world of software startups, if only we could get a script written by somebody who actually knew thing one about them. As it is, this movie is not so much one of those as it is Cruel Intentions done with computers. Sexy young things get into an office kitten-fight. Throw in some geek references, but be sure to wink at the audience and roll your eyes and mug for the camera every single time, so everybody knows how cute you are for doing it! Oh, and we were too lazy to write our own story, so we lifted it from current headlines in the hopes that media sensationalism of the current events would bleed over into making our movie popular.
In conclusion: May I present an open letter to Hollywood?
We are computer users. Nothing more. We are not freaks, aliens, punk rockers, closeted shut-ins, autistic psychopaths, slobbering perverts, or 1950’s-style Poindexters in pocket protectors and beanie caps. We go on the Internet. You, know, the Internet??? That thing that’s like a telephone, only for computers?
Look out your window. It is 2007! Computers are not shaped like the guts of the starship Enterprise, nor do they project green holograms into the air, nor do they talk like C-3PO, nor do they take an inhuman circus freak to use. They’re these ordinary little box things with mice and keyboards attached and they have very ordinary TV-set-shaped monitors which display mostly text and pictures. They are used by ordinary, normal people. Take a stroll through your office, a library with Internet access, or an Internet cafe – that’s what interactions between humans and computers look like.
Every time you try to make The Matrix out of every frame of film with a computer in it, you are deliberately alienating your audience. You are telling the moms, programmers, web designers, kids, secretaries, and managers who use computers every day that they are all 15-year-old skateboard punks with green mohawks and pierced nipples with dangling suicide chains, all of whom speak fluid hexadecimal, have the personality of Rain Man, and can hack into the CIA by whistling 1600 baud into their mouse.
We are not a member of the Village People. Please stop treating us like stereotyped freaks, hire a person who has actually used a computer, and try to have a go at presenting these perfectly everyday machines, which have been in general public usage for half a century now, as something besides fringe-bordering science fiction.
- The Top 10 GENUINE Geek Movies – Second 5
- The Top 10 GENUINE Geek Movies – First 5
- The 10 “Geek” Movies That Should Never Have Been
- Leet Key – an Extension for Firefox
- Things We’re Tired of Hearing from Windows Users