Diary Daisey “A blog all about me.” Because that’s what everybody wants to know is all about meeeeeeee! Count on Diary Daisey to keep you up to the minute on her kids, cats, fights with her husband, and all about her domestic environment. Oh, and if she buys a new tablecloth, you’ll get a picture, an anecdote about buying it, her thoughts on how it goes with the wallpaper, and links to three other Diary Daiseys who did the same thing this week. Exists in her own world, as does her readers, every one of which is on her blog-roll. Somebody said, “How vain it is to sit down and write, when one has not stood up to live!”
Job Jack Another diarist, but this one is a burnt-out shlub with a sad job and blah life who pretty much has the blog just to vent in. Occasionally hits an amusing note, but mostly it’s listening to somebody bitch about how miserable they are, which is every bit as fun as skinny-dipping in sulfuric acid. Usually includes his lack of luck with the opposite sex, which may elicit a sigh of relief from the reader as they understand that this means that there will be fewer unhappy Job Jacks in the next generation.
Pundit Paul Politics! For some reason 99% of the Pundit Pauls live in the United States and blog about the politics of same. Guaranteed to be bigoted for his chosen party/philosophy, as if there was a difference. Whether the evil and greedy Republican, the feckless and stupid Democrat, the unwashed and savage Populist, or the loony and freaky Libertarian, Pundit Paul is exactly the same no matter what color shirt he has on. His sole purpose for having a blog is to rant about how wrong the opposite view is. Sometimes amusing in small doses, but after five minutes you just want to stick the cork back in the barrel he lives in and walk away. Come back six months from now; he’ll still be here and nothing will have changed.
Faithful Frieda Now, I’ve met plenty of deeply religious people and they at least seem to have their head on straight; the strange thing is they are never the ones who blog. No, it’s the fundamentalist, far-gone, foaming zealot who blogs for her religion. Noting more than the religious version of Pundit Paul, she will use her blog to deliver sermons about her interpretation of her sect of her faith and why it means that everybody who doesn’t think like she does will (pick one) burn in hell, come back as a frog, fail to achieve enlightenment, be possessed, or be scorned by the Cosmic Chicken that runs everything (the Earth is His Egg, and we are His Yolk). Scary as hell. Why can’t normal, sane faith-holding people keep a blog going?
Corporate Carl Paid to blog for the company. This is nothing but a public relations hack, putting a human face on the company and showing the kids what a hip, with-it, jiggy cat his boss is to have a paid blogger. Corporate Carl tries his best to sound folksy and personal and down-to-Earth, to help you forget that he is a soulless drone working for a faceless, steel-hearted multinational multi-billion-dollar conglomerate. Carl is just a temporary stand-in while the engineers get the last few bugs worked out of the Blog-Bot® .
Militia Mike These exist for virtually any country with a military and enough freedom to blog, being of course the blog of someone enlisted in some army somewhere. During peacetime, the blog will be tiresome. During wartime, the blog becomes a non-stop thrill ride as Militia Mike gives you an explosion-by-explosion account of what happened in the combat zone today. Just when it’s getting exciting (especially when you have a personal stake in the outcome) he stops blogging because – duh! – the enemy is reading! Usually good enough reading; the exception is the United States military, which, when they let their members blog at all, their Militia Mike becomes nothing but another Faithful Frieda with the United States replacing the deity. Even scarier!
Beanie Bernie Natters about technology. Will usually take a Pundit Paul stance on what the right thing/ wrong thing is in technology and rant about it to the same degree of vigor. Divides his time between proving to the world what an utter dork he is with his gadgets, and showing off his 1337 hacker skills as if everybody reading was supposed to be impressed. Will pick a niche in any one of the operating systems, programming languages, frameworks, platforms, or whatever and pretend like every little detail about it is life or death. Like Diary Daisey, will be of interest only to those others who blog in the same tech niche…. Hey…. Wait a minute… I fit in this category!
OK, just forget it…
- Carl Ocab, Lean mean eating machine
- The Year of Digg 2007
- A ***Real*** Look Back at Bill Gates’ Legacy
- That’s Us Bloggers: Taking Ourselves Too Seriously!
- Five Reasons We Can’t Wait For Adobe To Die