The Most Unpleasable Fanbases in Geekdom

Posted by: Rea Maor In: Humor - Friday, May 14th, 2010

If you go online, you might be tempted to come to the conclusion that everything sucks. After all, everybody complains about everything no matter what, so there must be nothing good to say about anything. You have to wonder why some works have any fans at all. Such as…

Star Trek – original series vs sequels, movie vs movie, Picard vs Kirk, Voyager vs Deep Space Nine, series vs movies, Klingons vs Romulans, Borg vs Klingons, and on and on… You realize just how big the universe of Star Trek is when you look at all the divisions within it.

Watchmen – Actually, anything touching the wild-bearded crazyman that is Alan Moore. It's too faithful to the comic! No, it's not faithful enough! Since basically the fan base of Moore is composed entirely of cult members of the church of Objectivism, nobody gives a crap about whether its entertaining enough. You don't read the Bible for its poetry. You just watch a Cecil B. DeMille movie and nerd out about whether God parting the Red Sea would have actually looked like that.

Harry Potter – Jesus, how did a welfare mother writing a children's book about a little boy witch end up taking over the entire world? Just the churches throwing a fit about how wizard fiction is encouraging children to practice black magic is deafening at times. Yeah, as if Christians don't practice magic – hey, pass me some of that wine turned into magic blood, heal my cancer with words, and let me watch you dance with that snake while your faith protects you again, hey?

Dr. Who – You almost can't help it when the TV show has gone on for decades and changed lead characters some ten times now. The 6th doctor, no wait, the 7th, no, the 2nd one was the best! But the 9th, no the 4th, no the 3rd one was the worst! Right, got it.

Transformers – This is the stupidest fanbase of them all. Toy trucks that turn into robots. Toy robots that turn into trucks. From all this has sprung comics, cartoons, movies, novels, conventions – I'm flabbergasted. It's as if some other random dumb fad from the '80s became a deadly serious fiction franchise. Like Pogs. Can you imagine if this happened to Pogs? There'd be the four Pog movies and the eight Pog series and the graphic novel about these little cardboard circles with pictures on them, and there's a good Pog and an evil Pog and a chick Pog and Pog romances and generations of Pogs in a dynasty…

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