It’s time to play our favorite game: “geek analogy”. Where we take a category of objects in a class known to geeks and make up hysterically funny comparisons to a set of real-world objects. Today, I’d like to talk about what animal each of the programming languages would be if they were occupants of a zoo.
C is a dog – it’s smart enough to know all of the old tricks and it’s your old, faithful friend.
Python is a cat – it knows the same tricks, but it’s smart enough not to do them, and it makes you its old, faithful friend.
Ruby is a peacock – proud and beautiful, but don’t ask it to pick up anything heavy.
Perl is an ox – does all the heavy work, but nobody hangs around for a second look.
PHP is a hog – it will make you fat and rich if you take care of it, but God, it stinks.
Lisp is a snake – when you first see it, you think it must be missing some of the parts it needs to work.
Tcl is a bat – it’s thriving and ubiquitous, but always hidden so you think it’s rare.
Java is a platypus – it seems to do OK for itself, but you can’t help but look at it and wonder, “was somebody stoned when they put this together?”
BASIC is a cockroach – just when you think you have it stamped out, it comes back.
Bash is bacteria – you never, ever give it any thought, but if it all disappeared, all life would vanish with it.
C# is an Asian palm civet – known for eating Java beans and excreting very expensive coffee.
C++ is an elephant – it can do the work alright, but you’d better get the heck out of its way.
Of course, I’ve left some out. And why should I strive to cover every language when there’s hordes of commenters just aching to show me how witty they are?
Other “geek analogy” games already well-documented:
- Lisp is as Popular as Harry Potter?
- Who Killed Java?
- A Fast Round-Up of Web Languages
- Top Six Programming Languages NOT To Learn
- 6 Signs You’re Not Cut Out For Programming…